


On Lost Causes

by SemperA



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Difficult Decisions, Episode Tag, F/M, Gentleness, Hopeful Ending, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 13:11:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13927794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SemperA/pseuds/SemperA
Summary: Coulson was not afraid to die. He'd had his chance and he was very proud of everything he'd accomplished. That line was very clear and he tried his best to be there for Fitzsimmons, Mack, Elena, and Daisy. He made a promise to do anything for the people he loved before he died. When it came to May, however, he no longer knew what that anything really was. Daisy had been right, she was not a lost cause. [Spoilers for 5x12]





	On Lost Causes

**Author's Note:**

> Morning, lovely people. I'm still trying to grasp last night's episode. Fitzsimmons are the cutest kittens and deserve to be protected by all means but the wedding didn't work well for me as a coping mechanism. I could only think about what happened to Coulson and Elena. AND I needed Philinda to do something...

Being around May for his entire adulthood meant Phil Coulson was more than familiar with the sounds of silence. Given his current situation, the way she found out about what was going to happen, it was more than understandable that she needed to process her thoughts. He himself wasn’t quite over that yet. He kept flashing back to what Daisy had said though. It was the one thing he’d been trying to accomplish since Bahrain, since he’d found out May had gone over her own fears and everything she believed in just to make sure he was ok after Tahiti. Coulson knew Daisy would take care of herself, maybe she’d even understand him one day, but _Melinda_ …

 

_May will never be 100% again._

 

“I don’t have any Haig for us”, he said almost sheepishly.

May shook her head, that sad smile tugging at the corner of her lips again, “I don’t need Haig. I need _you_ , Phil”.

That made Coulson stop. Unconsciously, their hands found each other, and he was glad to feel the smoothness of her skin beneath his thumb. He’d always enjoyed touching his partner, touching Melinda. He brought her hand to his lips, gently pressing a kiss that would hopefully prove meaningful when words failed him.

 Coulson tried to swallow the lump in his throat when his prosthetic started to itch all of a sudden. He sighed heavily, the weight on his shoulders suddenly too much to carry. He’d like to think he was doing the best for the both of them. That he would do anything to keep May and their family safe and well. He’d never intended to put her through this again. They both knew she was a fighter, that she never gave up without a fight. That’s why he feared her reaction so much.

 

He’d rather she iced him like _he_ had done with Daisy.

He’d been reckless and on edge ever since he realised his death was coming but now looking at May…he finally _felt_ what was coming. His hand came up to the nape of her neck, finding solace there.

“You need to stop dying on me, Phil”, she whispered, meeting his eyes.

He knew it was not her intention, but this felt like a painful punch to his chest. His head sagged, stopping as his forehead collided gently with hers. The hand still placed on her nape squeezed lightly and he felt a mixture of disappointment and extreme fatigue as they indulged in this little comfort. The way her hands made their way inside his jacket and pressed against his sides almost had him hoping…

 

Truth was, he didn’t know what to say. Or do.

Usually the one prone to spectacular speeches, he had no idea what to say when it came to Melinda May and everything she meant to him. 

For all he knew Coulson just wanted to stay right there. He moved his thumb up and down, enjoying how her nose bumped into his, sending an unexpected jolt of electricity through his body. 

 

“I am serious, Coulson. I swear to God I’ll handcuff you to my wrist”, May declared. 

His thumb stopped, dragging along her jawline. He realised he’d never been this close to May before. Maybe he was being reckless again, but Melinda was the one person he trusted with his life. He trusted her judgement, her intuitions. Coulson didn’t know what possessed him when he pulled her into his embrace.

 

“Here’s hoping”, he muttered under his breath.

 

Their lips brushed against each other, the ghost of a touch.

As if coming to his senses, Coulson immediately pulled back to look her in the eye.

Melinda stared at him like she did most of the time these days, her lips parted. It was as if she saw right through his soul.

Somehow it made him feel like he still had a soul to claim.

 

It crossed his mind that he should probably tell her this moment wasn’t just because his life was at stake. That he’d dreamt about this for so long…

As his hands cupped her face and May stared back at him with dark eyes, Coulson felt that urge again.

He had to make this right. Melinda didn’t deserve another disappointment.

 

His hands faltered for a second.

 

But soon their second kiss had him burying his hand in her hair, sucking on her lip, trying to get impossibly closer at the first brush of their tongues. She responded in kind, melting into him, holding him tight by the neck. And, finally, _moaning_ …much to Coulson’s delight.

 

This time when they pulled back Coulson had the hint of a smile in his eyes. He bit down on his bottom lip, now swollen, still dizzy from the warmth that invaded his body.

“I could get used to this”, he said softly.

 

The way Melinda looked at him and leaned on his touch as he took his time to trace her lips and cheekbones, the way she seemed completely open and available, that gave him such strength. Not like he was reacting to everything that was happening and desperately fighting against it just to make things better. No, strength to get exactly where he wanted and the way he wanted it.

“As well as you should”, May replied as she kissed his forehead. 


End file.
